Tuesday, October 10, 2006

Can you see the Progress?

Autumn is my favorite season. I'm not a heat-loving person, so I look forward to cooler days when the sun filters through changing leaves. I love the way the greens and oranges stand out sharply against a rich blue sky. The bluest sky I know happens in October and November. I'm a bit blue these days too. This is the time of year of family birthdays -- the family I grew up in -- and Thanksgiving. In my family of origin, it all gets blurred together, but now that I have distanced myself from some of that, the days stand out more sharply. I was aware of my parents' birthday in late September. I sent cards. I celebrated my birthday as a single entity, not as part of a conglomerate. It was a fun day. Sunday was Thanksgiving, and I did not go to where my family was gathered. Instead I celebrated yesterday with Doug's family, and I was thankful that I have an emergency back-up family where I belong. Yesterday was also my dead sister's birthday. I was due on her day but came a few days early. Cathy would have been 46 years old. I always wonder what she would have been like at different ages. She didn't make it past eighteen.

My therapist has been on my case about knitting. She doesn't have anything against it as such. It is the fact that she knows that I use it as an anaesthetic that causes her concern. She's been yanking my chain lately, and much as I don't like it, I know it's for the best. Yesterday was Thanksgiving Monday, and it was my dead sister's birthday, and it was also the anniversary of the day I started seeing my therapist. Four years I've been trudging up the stairs to her office. Four years, and sometimes I wonder if I've learned anything at all. Today I passed a homeless person sleeping in a doorway on the way to her office. It's getting colder out at night and in the morning. I wished I had a knitted hat or scarf on me to lay beside the sleeping person. A surprise for when they woke up. At the same time, I was thankful. Thankful that I have a wonderful family of my own -- Doug and the kids -- and an emergency back-up family, and even a painful limping family where I began. I am grateful that I can afford to knit and to see my therapist and that I live in a beautiful city with such a blue sky.

This is the sweater I'm working on these days. It is a very simple pattern, knit side to side in one piece. The tweedy rusty red yarn makes me feel in sync with the season. That and the homey nubby texture of the yarn. I wonder though -- is it a requirement of tweed that there be little bits of sticks and flotz in there? I don't get that.

I've made it up one sleeve to the shoulder and the sides of the front/back. Pretty soon I have to divide to make the front openings.

In this position it looks a bit like a loin-cloth. Tarzan wouldn't appreciate the little sticks 'n bits though.

This is another sweater in the Debbie Bliss book that I want to make. This looks like something I want to put on when I get up in the morning and wear all day.

I want to make it in Elann Sierra Aran in Fiddlehead Green. My white box arrived this morning. And it was free! Sort of...if you spend enough money at Elann, eventually you get some free yarn. I think of it as free yarn anyway.

More lovely colours of Sierra Aran. What I like about this picture is that in the direct sunshine, the yarn looks lighter than it is in person, but you can see the texture and the colour flecks in each ball. These colours are Paprika, Lichen, Damson, and Walnut. They look good together, and I'm thinking of combining them into something. I'll post some other pictures of them later.


Grace Yaskovic said...

Jayne, I was worried about you, I know how depression is and how it creeps up on us. I also understand the need for aloneness.
I too recieved my Fiddlehead Green yesterday, and it too was free, since the last order of Sierra Aran put me over the edge. I still have 30$ to spend but am contemplating on what! Love the sweaters you want or are doing, I have one on the needles in a grey chunky with 2 strands of black mohair. Its in the round and in feather and fan, should be interesting. one more sleeve and then I can start the yoke! Have a good day and know you were missed!!

jayne said...

Thanks for the kind words, Grace. It always makes me smile when I'm blogging around and I see your photo-square pop up here and there.

LibbyKnitKins said...

I want to email you but dont know your email addy.

mine is L _ Stypa @ hotmail dot com

remove the spaces and dont spell "dot" but i"m sure that you knew that!


jayne said...

Okay, Libs, I sent one off -- let me know if you don't get it.

junior_goddess said...

Hey Jayne-what pattern is that you are using with the Gedifra?


jayne said...

Hi Bets, I bought the pattern book that went with the Debbie Bliss Alpaca Silk. Elann was selling it for around 15.00. I think they might still have some even though the silk is long gone. There are 12 patterns in there -- all for aran guage, and a lot of good ones IMO. Both the patterns on this post come from that book.

Anonymous said...

Jayne said, "I wished I had a knitted hat or scarf on me to lay beside the sleeping person. A surprise for when they woke up."

Jayne, here is my husband's correspondance with his Jewish friend, a Noble Price Winner, a Peace Activist, and a Yale professor about a "hat" my husband received 60 some years ago. He encourage my husband to write it down, I quote his letter: "The event with
the person who gave you something to help you get warm is a memorable
moment. If you have other such memories, good or bad, you should
write them down. There is no understanding of the horrors of war
here in the US. I encourage anybody who was in the war, older people
here who were veterans, to write down their memories in order that
someone much younger should read them at some point."

I got the permit from my husband to share with you his experience . It happened to my husband, a Polish teenage boy at that time, and one of the 5% survival from the concentration camp in WW2 :

"Unexpected moments of kindness are those events kept in memory for life. –

The time is late October 1943. Birkenau. My block is adjacent to commando "Canada". We were standing for hours in cold while our block was disinfected. Leaning against wires separating from "Canada" I shivered. It was late night and cold was unbearable. Suddenly somebody prodded me. There was this Jew, member of commando, holding between wires, thick Cossack Czapka . Take it boy, he whispered. This hat, louse infested, kept me warm till departure to Mauthausen. I will never forget this event; those sad, understanding eyes of a man who knew his life will be short and yet able to show compassion to a stranger. "

CatBookMom said...

Some days are blue in more ways than one. You know that I know about depression and the ways our bodies and our minds try to cope or to ignore the problems. Sometimes it takes many 'kicks in the butt' to help us start to come out of a down period.

I value our new friendship, and I'm always ready for a virtual chat. You're OK and you're going to be better.

Vamanta said...

All your yarn is so darn yummy! Love the Bliss patterns too.

Anonymous said...

Dear Jayne, as you know, there is no law which states you need to be connected with those who are not good for you. Anniversaries, both happy and sad, bring about a multitude of emotions. This Thanksgiving, I am thankful with you that you have a wonderful family, and extended family with your in-laws.

jayne said...

Ooohh...visitors...always fun!

Thanks for encouraging comments, all. Thank you, SK for such a precious memory. Please thank your DH for me. I've already resolved not to go into some areas of the city without a hat or scarf or something. In the past I've given out food items (fruit/chocolate bars) and purchased socks.